Life can be confusing when you act a role and try to comply to expectations. You can't act forever and when you go home you are allowed to be yourself but it isn't so easy. The "myself" is still trying to expand from the days constraints, as if the job was a small business suit to fit a doll and when you take it off at home to be in home clothes, you need 20 sizes largerI think back to my days as a teen and shake my head at some of the naivety that plagued me, the stupid things I did but today finds me doing different things but still stupid.
I want to absolve myself and blame others. Following their advice and their tactics but it isn't them.
I think the constant demanding of attention and schedules that leave no time to breathe and trying to sleep in back of cars as you visit different parts of the country. Popping pills to stay awake, rushing hurried meals and the pains.
Diets of painkillers and antidepressants and anything else I thought would make it seem easier and the comfort in a bottle.
Yeah it's an excuse, yeah attention seeking.
It's a fucked up world and I need the bitch in me to get me up outta this shit. I'm not the first to fall at the fortifications but I still breathe and I can get up and fight still.
Look after your health jazz, your health is very important. Maybe you need to slow down a bit.
Quietman
April 11, 2008 9:25 PMStop the world, I want to get off. We live in a world where we are expected to comply with the standards of others. In this situation we are only a mask of our true selves...and of our truer values. We have a right to play out the role we believe is right for us. We can't. We live in a society where order is essential. Instead of bucking (yes, I meant that word to begin with B) that society, we can beat it by not resisting. Its too big, and they will bury us. Wear your doll's business suit and your fixed smile. Don't let the bastards beat you. You are not excuse making nor are you attention seeking. You are merely exercising your right to be you. But in a 'fucked' up world there is no other way but to comply. Ride with the punches as I have heard it said. Passive resistance is the way to go. However your home is your castle and you can play out the world in just the way you want...so long as it doesn't impact on others. They also have a right. Its good to see you are positive and still have fighting spirit. Ganbarremasu yo.
Sashi
April 11, 2008 9:25 PM