More from my notebook

Saturday morning we woke at 4am to get 'Miss have talent will travel' ready to go to Osaka on her early morning train and I just couldn't sleep after she left so I threw our laundry in the machine and hand washed other small items. A little determination and effort on a decision like that is sometimes regretted by the fatigue that was hiding all along. Halfway through I was wishing I had gone to bed and tried to sleep but you know how that is! Damn errors of judgment. Never plan or do things when you are really tired.

Eventually I did get to bed but the wakeful hours took a large part of my morning and so when I finally woke it was almost lunch time. The good news being that when I did wake I didn't have the laundry on my list of tasks! I made a point of tidying the utilities room where we keep so much in storage. There are so many boxes of memories that we perhaps we no longer need but they are all there and we are still reluctant to part with them despite what I said to myself when we saw Aya bag up her 'clutter' last year. I must be so sentimental that when it comes to the tangible connections and evidence of my memories, it is almost as if these things were a part of me. I found a box of CD's that belonged to my old flame, Tety, and as I looked through them I decided to play some on my portable player from the gym. Well I call it a gym but it once was a bedroom. One song in particular made me think of him a lot and I put it on repeat because it seemed to be all about us and how we were and what we went through but now it's stuck in my head and it won't go away. It's the current song in my head now and love sometimes really can be a four letter word!

I met up with Anzu, a girl from work, for a dinner date and a discussion of a project we are going to be working on together over the next week and everything was fine. Meal and business over, she invited me up to her home and we sat there with a chuhai (a fruit alcohol drink) and chatted for a while about work in general, the restructure and its possible consequences and of course others who work with us.
We stopped talking when MTV showed one particular video, a Chinese song called fairytale by Michael Guang Liang and as we watched and listened, it came to the part where they were watching love letter on TV and she cried in the video and I know that I had tears welling up inside me and I just began to cry too and once I started, so did Anzu.



The world forgets me, but you never did!
Translated lyrics

It was one of those moments where we just reached out and hugged each other for all of the comforts that only the close touch of an empathic embrace can offer and I am such a sucker for the closeness of a human touch, especially of a lovely girl like Anzu. Sigh! The things that I began to think about do not warrant me writing them down here. I can only say that while I do acknowledge being human with all of my emotional frailties and my unruly feelings I have to be strong and remember who and what is important to me. It was warm and comfortable there in that place and that moment but that's another girl and she's on another planet...
She's not even that way inclined and there I am with most of my fantasies flashing through my mind like a thousand DVD players screening ten thousand 'what if scenarios' on a continual play loop!
I just went home. There are no 'what if's' and journeys to other planets for me. What any of us do in our fertile imaginations never hurts anyone. Only when some of the things that we try to make real, things that should never be made real that can hurt others shows that some don't really care about others and they selfishly demand and crave constant self gratification.
Even if she was on my gurl planet, trying to make that fantasy real is not worth risking one evening of delight against the risk of losing my partner for life. Short term can never ever compare to long term.
I'll just wait for her call and take strength from that!

I see that the talk is all about the ceasefire in Israel and all the good and all the bad and people outside taking sides.
Israel was meant to be the home for the displaced Jewish people and the Palestine area as it was then was divided in 1947 to create a land for both the Arabs and the Jews. Israel is surrounded on all sides by enemies who will persecute them at every possible instance and they always have been persecuted for centuries. They are in my eyes a very resilient, brave and strong people. I admire the Israelis very much. Hamas is an organization originally created by Israel to undermine its old enemy, the PLO but now it bites the hand that created it.

Where over strict and demanding religions become infused with politics is where problems can start, especially when there is little room for alternate interpretations. Any Muslim who loves Allah and takes to heart the holy words in the Koran can never accept Israel and this is why I look at the proposed ceasefire cynically. No Muslim can accept Israel as a Jewish state without going against the holy words of his Koran because the Koran defines the Jewish people as dhimmi and since the Koran is the perfect word by a perfect God there can be no contradiction contained within it. The existence then of a strong and proud Jewish nation is an insult to their hearts and makes a lie of one of their founding beliefs. For a non Muslim to understand this, imagine if the Bible said that dark skinned people were second class. Obama would have been lucky to receive an education in a Bible loving, God fearing nation never mind lead America if this madness was transposed there.
Hamas in my opinion follow the right tactic of hit and run against a superior military force if this was a war, but it is not a war in my opinion and I know that's open to question and interpretation. Hamas are without honor when they fire weapons from within schools and hospitals and hide behind innocents knowing that when retaliation comes, they can point an accusing finger at the horror of the atrocities caused by the other side. There could be a diplomatic solution that would save the lives of the innocent on both sides if only Hamas were not so proud, not so arrogant and inflexible and stuck to a page of ancient words without room for compromise.
I have no sympathy for Hamas or other groups who try to make Israel the villain and make their own pettiness seem like some heroic cause. These poverty stricken Arab nations are run by corrupt officials whose only concern is to remain in power and they care not for the people that they are supposed to govern. They allow radicalization to give their people an enemy and a target of their anger and frustrations away from the real cause of their fall from ancient heights.
Israel can not expect a lasting peace or a treaty or ceasefire to last long. This is merely the way of life they have to sadly become accustomed to. There is only one solution to this situation without intervention of outside nations. That solution is a Muslim voice crying out for an end to war and to point to a path of peace. Sadly this won't happen because he would be cut down by his own kind for being a traitor. They walk a path of death, destruction and eternal war and although many see the way out, it is a direction that they are not allowed to take. The common people of Islam can never be great again unless they rise up and remove their present style of leadership. Your glory gone, all that remains now is that you try to convince a world who is not as blind as your own people that you are the victims in the sorrowful affair.

I'll say 'Hi' to a new reader from the Whittier area of California and 'Hi' to you from Singapore who both call often. Thanks for enjoying my pages both of you and everyone who visits.