No, no, no, no!

No no no no
I don't need nobody,
anyone to take your place but you,
no no no no
I just couldn't fall for anyone new,
nobody but you
Well you get the picture don't you! These are indeed some of the lyrics from 'Westlife's no-no', and 'no' is my theme today and it seemed like a good introduction.
A November No!

No to him spreading my picture.

Recently I was speaking to an on-line friend about several things in general and especially on one topic of photographs. Then a little later I also spoke with a real life friend and in one of life's little coincidences, our topic was about the very same subject.
Case in point, we are in the throes of orgasmic pleasure with our partner and then suddenly he says lets capture this moment forever and he reaches for the digital camera and click, the deed is done. Five million (or more) pixels describe one of your most intimate of moments. Where do these images go to from the camera? Well of course we upload them all onto our computers and we all know that the internet is just one step away from there.
In my past and also my very naive days I've been photographed in just such compromising positions and I did it willingly for him but I sincerely hope that those photographs of me never made their way onto the internet . Sadly knowing exactly what that one particular freaky kind of ex-boyfriend that I had at that time, I somehow know they may very well be out there somewhere.

I used to use chat rooms and talk to lots of people including men who loved to send me images of their penis. "This is me in Paris, here I am climbing up the steps of the Eiffel tower, this is the view from the second gantry and oops, how did that photo manage to find its way into there? So sorry ha ha. I'm big huh? I bet you would like to touch yourself looking at this monster, imagine that slipping inside you."
I can understand that some men become quite proud of their penis, they love it so much they think we should perhaps worship it. It's a common practice amongst immature men to start the bragging game of how massive and huge it is...
This is them showing their own body and if they get some kind of thrill from it, well that's perhaps their own idiosyncrasy. But all too often they may like to share the picture of their ex-girlfriend / someone else's ex-girlfriend / their sister and pretend it's their ex-girlfriend. Believe me that's a lot of girls who end up showing all they have across the net and very often (I'm going to pull an none researched number out of the air and say 95%) most of the girls don't even know they are on the net entertaining the boys with oscillating arms.
"Just put my hot throbbing weapon in your mouth babe and smile for the camera!" He says and since I am seconds away from a massive tsunami powered orgasm, I would do just about anything to please my man. I comply willingly knowing that when we cuddle up in the years to come we may look back over our intimate and private collection together and enjoy. Unfortunately a few years on and one break up later, he's sharing these with his friends and spreading them all over the net and I'm not even aware of it.
Who is she?" his friends may ask.
"My ex, she says it's ok to show this picture because she's proud of it!" He says.
Or we may get the...
"Ah she don't know and with a body like that she should be in porn movies" or phrases of a similar vein.
I'm betting that the girls do not know despite what he says. Anyone who's going to spread around your leg spreading is certainly not worthy of trust. You get some guy chatting to you about body shapes or skin and suddenly he shows you the picture of his ex-girlfriend in the nude ... do not trust him, because one day it could be your intimate areas he's showing to someone else. We may have forgotten about the sexy pictures in time but we never said he could show them to his friends (We also perhaps never said he could 'not' show them - which is a poor technicality). A man that does that has no respect for others or for himself.

I mean, in the heat of the moment when I was pleasing Mr T, I thought our pictures would be just for us as we grew into old age together. I never for one moment imagined that in the future he'd be chatting online to some girl and showing her what a pair of breasts should really and ideally look like (i.e./ mine).
It may be hard to refuse your lovers request when you're in the heat of passion but if you two ever split up, you'll possibly have your treasured little delicacies online faster than you can say "My naked ex-girlfriend in the bath"
I agree with both of my friends that these are the kind of guys that we can do without.
I may pose in delicate lingerie and appear semi naked but I have my limits. In the professional world there are standards and legislations. Publishing yourself is also about being in control but having another publish what was considered to be private is blatant disrespect!
All you guys out there who may (or may not) have intimate images of loved one feel free to state your case.

No to being alone!

There are so many joys of living with someone and one of the simplest pleasures of that statement is just to have someone to talk with about sharing your day and we listening to theirs. Their thoughts and feelings that are attached to the events that almost puts you there in your partner's shoes. It's a most dreadful feeling that I endured in the twelve weeks that she was away and I so missed just hearing her and have her listen to me. The apartment seemed lifeless and dull and more than anything else I felt so shallow and two dimensional sitting here alone. It's the mutual care and the antonym of the sad lonely days that were missing. Our lives from the drama's to the banal and routine moments won't pass by unnoticed. She will notice it and I in turn become the witness of her life and this is the moment that we both realize that we are no longer alone. It's not just a physical togetherness but it's a harmony of parallel ideas or the adjustment through communication and compromise of unparalleled ones. We develop a rapport between our souls and an alliance of devoted and empathic companionship. This gives us strength, cause, reason and focus and we do work and play so well together. I was lost without her no matter how strong I tell everyone that I am. I became happy, secure and content and I have found that I have a much greater depth than the shallow, insecure and unsure girl who was lost and alone.

No to the green eyed monster.!

Jealousy is something that I've had to battle with recently. In the first five years there was never a problem and you'd think that we were secure by now. However it was jealousy that almost ruined our relationship during our recent split and I know that during that sad time I'd lie in my bed alone and thinking that even if she was seeing another girl I'd take her back and all because I loved her so much. I just can't help it how I felt or feel now. I had been out with many friends during our split but there were times I needed something more and so I visited a professional girl. I explained all of this to Hitomi as we got back together and she just hugged me and whispered that everything is fine. I had gone too far in my empty accusations towards her and she was sure we'd come back together after the parting. I had also perhaps gone too far in trying to find some of the void I was left inside. She told me that she'd hope such a drastic action of her moving out would make me see sense. I certainly did see it!
Recently I did an erotic shoot and she saw the unedited disc that I 'obtained' and she was fine with it because she knows all about these location shoots and the conditions involved. She is stronger in her heart than I am.
Am I afraid of losing her knowing the pain I would feel? I know in my heart of hearts that if the green eyed monster manifests itself this could be exactly the catalyst for another break. It's just silly of me really because I know she loves me. I think I have a problem with my emotions, how else could this be explained?
I'm going to battle this demon within. It is not the first demon to visit me and I don't envision it to be the last. I am open and honest to her about it because I want her to understand above and beyond her reassurances.
I will fight this and win.

No to traffic lights!

On Friday Terutaka and I had had a Hong Kong lunch together over by Keio University and afterwards we were heading back to the city on the bus. The route north from the restaurant takes you towards Tokyo tower and it is a naturally a very busy road. However after we had not moved from the junction we'd stooped at for several minutes and some of the passengers were becoming uncomfortable, Teru walked forward to see out of the front window. The lights had become stuck on red. He explained to the driver that the lights were broken and he should continue the journey. The driver was adamant that he would not drive through a red light. It was unlawful and dangerous and he could lose his job. I went forward too, I had thought to get off the bus and walk across the junction and pick up one on the other side. I also asked that perhaps he could talk on his radio for instructions. He said he'd done this and he had been told to wait.
Terutaka saw a policeman outside and he asked the driver to open the door so he could go out and talk to him. The driver pulled a face but did so and out he went. They were talking at length quite animatedly as I watched them through the side window and all the time the traffic was building up behind us. The traffic across from us had a working light and when the east-west flow stopped and after the people had crossed it should have been our turn. Those coming south across the junction were fine and they did so but we in the northbound lane were stuck behind a red light that refused to change and we had one driver that said it was more than the value of his job to drive through a red light.
Eventually the policeman went to the junction center and watched the east west flow and Teru came back on board. When the southbound traffic started again, the policeman pointed to our bus and waved us through. The driver now apparently happy that an authority figure gave him permission to transverse the red light did so with a grinding of the gears and a great relief although perhaps not as relieved as his passengers.
Teru said that at first the policeman just radioed in the fault but since he was not assigned to traffic duty was going to do little else. Teru said he explained how showing initiative at this point would earn him favor when promotions were being talked of because the promotion board liked officers who showed resourcefulness, enterprise and decisiveness.
Whether that was true or not I can still thank him for doing something to get the bus moving again and I snuggled in closer and whispered my thank you in his ear.


No more!
At least not yet!