Conversations and considerations

The last of the suicidal leaves have hurled themselves from the trees and have thrown themselves into the path of my car as I drove home listening, ironically to songs from summer on my car player. How quickly the seasons seem to pass by me now. I remember as a child, the endless carefree summers in which we bloomed. Embraced we were by the warm summer sun. We immersed ourselves in the playful laughter that only children seem to understand.
Recently though I have felt chained by circumstances and the situations in which I have found myself.
There is an emptiness within and all that I consider about it is the question that does the emptiness grow or does the surrounding fullness recede? I cannot even say why it's there. It seems to have always been with me.

I have been away on assignment for the last week and I have begun to feel as a transient phantom drifting in and out of a life that I sometimes do not recognize. Thoughts of home seemed unreal as if they belonged to another's far away dream, one that I had only borrowed. As I lay in the darkness and on my bed in the hotel room it was as if I had watched my life being played out on some movie theater screen. Would I return to some other reality after the final credits had rolled by?
For now I convince myself that the increased medications are having an affect on an idle mind and so desperately I occupy myself with my work and even then in the quiet moments, the specter of uncertainty offers me other speculations of as yet, future uncertainties for my contemplation.

When I returned home I found that Hitomi had changed the furniture around. I am uncertain of how I feel about that. On one hand I feel that she should have asked me at least my opinion because we both live there and on the other hand I feel that perhaps I should encourage her because she also made it tidy.
I may have slightly hinted once or twice previously at how untidy she can be and so I was impressed by her great and attentive efforts.

Living in the 'now' we see things as they just are but without a passing note to the Confessions of Saint Augustine, I gather all my information today and retrospectively decide what happened and when - in order to bring about my view today's situation. Watching the constant flow of inconstant alliances and friendships amongst my closest friends seems to confirm the idea that while the importance of now is without any doubt, as today slips into yesterday, the value of present moments somehow becomes less.
What consequences?
I knew this was going to happen in a vague and open ended way. Post-diction aside I find myself needing time even when I know that tomorrow does not belong to us.
I have taken a few days away from work and I have taken a solitary room away from home.
I want to be away from everything just for a short while.