Jetties - the protrusions into other places part 1

The universe is a really big place when you think about it and it really is quite larger than anyone can imagine. We think we can perhaps encompass it all and hold it in our minds but really we cannot because it is just too vast and we really are way too small. The world we live on is a big place too and how do we imagine that? Is it a very large blue sphere upon which we are all gravitationally held? Do we think we know it well because we may travel around it and we may read of the experiences and see the photographs of others? We sit at home and see the news reports from distant lands and learn about far away people and places?
Is it enough?
Forget the universe and the world and forget your own country, we perhaps just know our own town or small city areas and our favorite haunts that we frequent. I know that I can get lost in my home city as easily as any stranger can and I guess what I'm trying to say is that with so many things we only believe that we are intimately familiar with them when in truth we have merely scratched the surface.

She didn't come home on Saturday night, deciding instead that due to being adversely affected by an evening of heavy drinking she'd stay overnight at her sister's home. I ate downstairs in the restaurant with my brother. He has been considering opening another restaurant of late and he told me of his ambitions. I like to watch him talk of his dreams, his arms wildly animated and the energy in his voice. Perhaps he could charm a nation and savage beasts as well with his ideas, his mannerisms and his contagious enthusiasm. I see my Mother in his eyes but I see my Father in his heart.
By the time our Melon sorbet arrived he asked how my time in Nara had been and I told him about missing my connection between Kyoto and Nara and my contact racing between the stations to locate me. Then I went on about the dreadful photographer, his tardiness, his appearance and his lack of spirit.
I was about to go on about the hotel and the shoot but he interrupted me to ask what was wrong.
I just looked at him in silence.
He told me that he could see something was bothering me. It was written on my face he said and even in the way that I talk and since he knows me so well it would be impossible for me to hide it from him. He said I could talk to him and when I didn't answer him but simply sat there in silence regarding him he went on to say that I should at the very least find someone to talk with and let it out, not trap it all inside me.
We finished our desert in silence after which I stood up and kissed his forehead goodnight.
"Thank you very much for dinner, it was wonderful as always and I will let it out, I promise," I told him, "As soon as I figure it out for myself!"
I went upstairs to my apartment and locked the door behind me. I slumped against the inside of the door for a while gathering my breath and musing that everyone seems to see something in me that I just fail to see. I guess that just like everyone else I'm so used to looking out I very rarely look inside. Take my head for example or your head. The only time we really see it is when we look in mirrors but that's not how it is, is it? It's a reflection and we fool ourselves that this is really what it it. It's like listening to your own voice on a recording, it seems so different to hear it with your ears properly and alone and not have the sounds vibrate from within your larynx at the same time.
I undressed, showered and put on my pyjamas. I brushed my teeth to the scintillating sounds of Takashi Matsunaga on my stereo and felt at once much better as my bottom and even my arm brushing movements fell in time with 'Kobe' and as his fingers danced across the piano of his inorganic orange, so too I moved in front of the mirror, rocking my head and swaying my hips. I danced throughout the rest of the album before jumping into bed. I read a little more of my wind-up bird chronicles and then with tired eyes I put it down and put out the light.
Sleep was elusive and I just lay there for a while thinking about a hundred or so trivial things but two images from my life kept coming to the surface, an image of her and an image of him.
On impulse I switched on the light and reached for my phone and located the number in my list. I looked at it as if the number was a secret magical code. Three times my phone light went out during my indecisiveness but I eventually pressed dial. It rang for eleven times, I know because I counted, before a sleepy voice answered.
I didn't speak because I really didn't know what to say and I was perhaps regretting phoning so late.
"Momo are you there?" Of course my name would light up on his screen.
"I'm here" I whispered after a little pause of listening for his breath.
"Are you alright?"
"Did I wake you?"
"Yes you did but its fine."
"Are you free tomorrow?"
"I have plans but I can change them, are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm alright thank you. I want to meet you tomorrow, is that ok with you?"
"Yes of course it is, where and when?"
I thought for a moment and then smiled to myself. "Meet me in Rinkai Park inside the tea shop at eleven. Does that sound ok to you?"
He murmured an ok and then he said something I didn't quite hear.
"Sorry I didn't hear that." I said.
"Yes, I said that I'll see you there at eleven."
I smiled and with his agreement I felt so much better as if a weight within me had suddenly lifted.
"Is it ok if I go back to sleep now?" he asked.
I nodded and of course knew he couldn't see me nodding so I said "Sleep well, see you." and pressed the end-call button.
Perhaps he wasn't alone and I'd disturbed him at almost one o'clock in the morning.
It didn't matter. I continued wearing my smile and I closed my eyes and settled down to sleep.