An eye on things

The world can be a wonderful place if we allow it to be and yet I worry at the pain we humans cause it. Some people may look at me and regard me as one of those crazy green people and while they point a finger at me, they greedily gobble up resources without a thought of sharing or conserve the finite that they have.

I wanted to rant a little today but I really don't have the energy, I am emotionally drained. I have had a couple of friends with problems and have sat with them and hopefully I have given them strength and direction. They thank me and that's nice, but I just wish I could see them smile and see them push back the shadows that hid them from the sun.
Hitomi received her schedule for the next two months, open to extensions that they posted to her. It is a lot of traveling.
Sometimes even I don't want to play any more. She is my rock and I have come to reply on her being around. As you can see, even I can have a bad day.
I think this has been the week that I have just cried the most for a few years.
Momo is such a strong girl they say but I don't want to hear that. Sometimes it is I that needs the reassurances and comforting words and it is little me that needs a hug and the strong embrace of your arms about me.
She reads the scripts over and over and paces the room reciting and I have become afraid to disturb her and I just want her to hold me because I'm going to miss her so much.
But Brave Momo applauds her and reads with her and smiles and my eyes sparkle with excitement at her great opportunity and I sincerely do want her to do well. "My girlfriend is a famous actress" I can say proudly. But I don't mind what she is, even if as she laughingly joked, served food in MacDonald's, I would still be proud of her.
Don't worry, I'm a little down but I'm not crying now.

Someone said to me "Jazz, I'd rather talk to you than your sister, she is to aggressive!"
I said but that's because she is telling you off, what you did was not nice at all. I forgive you for what you called me (and for acting like an immature and disrespectful child) and I am calm. April is still angry at you, this is the only reason you said that.
My sister can be a little volatile but we all can. I'd like to say that perhaps I'm too gullible and too accepting and April's natural suspicions has saved me more than once. I can say without fear of contradiction, that I would not be here today if it was not for her advice, her love, the emotional support she's offered me and her uncanny ability to see things beyond the normal 5 senses. She is my little sister and I look after her. I am very thankful that she also looks after me - very much. I consider myself very lucky to be born into my family and my extended family.

If some people could just look at the world from a different vantage point occasionally then the wider scope might just show them something more. Assuming they have eyes to see of course.

What else has affected me like a mild irritant?
Some fool talking about genetics and how 'his untainted genes' have been proved superior to any other races genes. I listened to see if he had any valid points at all, but he did not. He needed to tell everyone how superior he was compared to anyone else. I felt the desire to attempt to tell him the difference between genetics and eugenics. But you can't tell some people and especially someone who just needed to elevate himself for some reason.
Next, remember Nanjing?
Well no I don't personally remember it even my parents had not been born yet when it happened in 1937/8.
Yes it was a war and yes my people committed some terrible atrocities. I personally am very sorry.
I am ashamed of what we did and I will say sorry for it. My children and grandchildren will say sorry. Their children will say sorry. We will say sorry for more years that the black races ask the white races for an apology for slavery.
But I am disappointed they they sit in judgment and point to a black day in our history and yet remain blind to their own.
I saw Robert Mugabe on TV blaming Zimbabwe's ills on Europe.
Yeah, bulldozed villages and now more destitute peasants had their hovels flatten so Bejing can produce a feast for the visual delight of the world with the Olympics. More shortcut seeking companies in China (22 of them) produce baby food with melamine contamination so soon after the scandal of when in 2004 they produced baby milks with no nutrients, causing massive malnutrition. I won't even mention Mao Zedongs massive exterminations because in China that part is not spoken of and he is still venerated for the great leap forward. Anyone who dares say anything bad about China is severely dealt with or if its on the internet, it is censored and the shouting voices are called liars.
But that's for them to decide if they are ever allowed to know the truth of their own history. It is easier to look to the black days of others than to admit what lies under your own shadows. No need to even look if they can point their fingers to others. Yes we have said sorry many times but even that is hidden. Should it become known, they would perhaps need a new villain.
But I am very sorry for the malicious acts of my Grandparents generation.
They can never offer a positive comment - it's not allowed by them.

This blog post is poor and perhaps reflects how poor I feel inside.
I need to recharge, I feel drained.
I saw a girl today wearing the exact same outfit that I was wearing and it looked better on her.Oh!
She had long hair.
I'm going to have some extensions put in my hair.

The road to knowing yourself is filled with mirages and illusions.
So what dreams may come if I leave open the door?

Do I dare?

Oh to hell then with complications.
For a while I will not fight the currents but simply 'go with the flow' even would it carry me over the abyss.

A sponge becomes bloated and occasionally you have to squeeze it to please it. Let out all the content and bounce back into shape.