Hitomi wasn't feeling so good and swallowed a cocktail of pills with a glass of water (and vodka) before falling into the comfort of a soft deep chair. Such a deep breath she drew and such a weight for the chair to bear. One huge sigh followed and the release was a moment to savor. I blew her a kiss and she raised an inquiring eyebrow as if to question the reason why I'd do such a thing.
"Oh Hypnos, all my days you shall know my gratitude. Put to sleep the shining eyes of Hitomi under her furrowed brows as soon as I have lain beside her in love". The alluring and beguiling smiles of the Kharites danced almost provocatively within my eyes but she seemed immune to my situation.
On Wednesday I went up to Akihababa and bought myself a brand new computer for my desk at home. Oh it wasn't really anything to do with the virus/trojan that my old Vista model had, it really was the act of upgrading to windows seven, something that I had promised myself to do for a couple of months now and I just hadn't had the chance.
It sits proudly on my desk now that it's assimilated all of the data from my back-ups. It is faster and seemingly more efficient and stands as a testament to the continual advancement of technology and may (if it were able to) regard my old model with the kind of smugness some have over the more primitive. My old one has been consigned to the box and has been hidden away in the store room, a job well done and thank you.
Graduation happens for thousands this month and I dress as a schoolgirl in honor of such occasion. The blooms have raced across the land like an all-encompassing pink cloud and Hitomi took some wonderful pictures of me on Thursday morning. There were a few people viewing but there is I fear a darker cloud that hangs over us. It is such a constant fear held aloft by just a single horse hair and at any moment the sword could fall and cut us away from luxury and life. Yet this threat is merely a potential one and no allegory of Damocles can hold back the imperative.
The classrooms that held lessons are empty now and one by one we feel the voices from the past return in some form whether to remind us of something or to allow us a touch, however briefly, with an intangible past. We carry with us the memories of those past days and the hopes and dreams and fears we had then seem somewhat nostalgic now. Such are the days of graduation, the door opens to the future and the season we knew is past. We take our own paths after placing those memories, sweet and otherwise into our bags.
Prelude
Perhaps it was meant to be in a parallel world but it never happened in this one.
Ten years ago Hitomi had two best friends who were in her class at school. They were inseparable and sat together in class and at lunch. In the evenings they went out together for movies and coffee and often they visited each other's home to discuss homework assignments and work together as a team. The three of them also had something else in common. They each had a healthy desire for their own gender.
It was spoken of at times and a kiss and an embrace were shared between any of them without venturing commitment. The days passed and their spirits grew and perhaps the private thoughts of any of them may fall into flights of fantasy as each may imagine scenarios of favorable futures.
Perhaps Hitomi had reached out for a dream but before she could touch one, Sumiko had said simply that she and Izanami (name changed) were together and in love.
Does it matter when you are 17 years of age and our emotions are said to be immature?
I think we develop emotionally a long time before our physical sides do. Even children know love, betrayal, joy and hurt.
Hitomi was silent for a long time. She smiled and wished Sumiko and Izanami a lovely future together but her own soul had grown cold. The days of spring togetherness had been ripped away with such a seemingly cold statement. All the warmth she'd shared was suddenly drained into the ice cubes that filled her drinks.
She was off her food and even failed to attend class for a week until Izanami had come to see what was wrong.
"It's because of us isn't it?" she'd asked.
"No, no no!" Hitomi refuted the accusation, "I am genuinely struck down with a bad fever."
Izanami gave her a look but softened and she made some soup for them both.
"Come back to class Hitomi" she begged as she sat next to her.
An ashen faced Hitomi simply nodded and who knows what dreams died that afternoon. Hitomi may have reached out and kissed her gently as they held each other in a supportive way and then as that very act held the soft promise of a returning warmth, Izanami pulled away and shook her head slowly.
It had all changed. Oh why hadn't Hitomi spoken her mind first but now her waiting and her anchored reluctance had taken away a desire of future days...
Why didn't she say, why didn't she say?
On Thursday night another earthquake rocked us and woke us up as we slept soundly in bed.
I went to the window and looked but the calm soon returned. I thought there had been an explosion as I saw a bright light to the north but it soon faded from view and no distant thunder came. No fires and no smoke to signal the disaster was upon us once more.
I was turning to go back to bed when all the lights in our immediate area went off.
"Get the torch I called to Hitomi" who mumbled something quite rude under her breathe.
I know I said she could sleep through an earthquake but she didn't this time....
The lights came on again quite quickly and we went to the kitchen to make cocoa and we sat with the TV news until about 5am and then we went back to bed. No tsunami and no reports (then) of anyone being adversely affected. Whatever dreams may come of shaking beds and hands pulling us from the wreckage of broken dreams were not ready for this moment, at least not yet and we slept soundly.
Postlude
On Friday night Hitomi called a taxi and was amazed at the driver.
The driver was none other than her old school friend Sumiko.
They chatted briefly in the taxi as she brought her home and she promised to meet Hitomi on Saturday night.
I have never felt so out of place as I did that night.
I didn't want to go but Hitomi insisted and the talk was all about their old schooldays and very little of what became of Izanami. For all we know Sumiko could have murdered her and chopped her up into small pieces to feed the fish. Later I learned that this topic had been covered in the taxi home the previous night and the wounds of them parting still hurt Sumiko.
To be honest I saw no sign of emotional scaring and only witnessed the open flirtatious play that existed between them like no days had passed since school days of innocence that preceded the dawning of adult responsibility and the events played out like I was perhaps not there.
She kissed a girl Kate Perry but I didn't like it!
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