Sequestered end to September

I don't know any of them and they don't know me. I'm lost and surrounded by no one I know. I saw blank faces, sleeping faces, faces in hushed conversations with other faces close by and faces half hidden in magazines. She sat opposite me and offered me an occasional glance. I'd smile at her but she hurriedly put her eyes back 'in the Miso soup'. No not food but the book by Ryu Murakami. As I remember, it is about a psychopath stalking Kabuchiko, Tokyo’s red light district. I read it some time ago and as I watched her facial expressions as she read, I'd try to imagine the part that she was reading to be a particularly bloodthirsty part. Perhaps she kept glancing at me because she imagined me to be as a character in there. If so then I hope I was imagined as Yuko, I liked her.
If there is ever a sequel, 'second sitting for miso soup', then I am sure it may well feature a new predator slowly stalking potential victims by the subdued red lights. From the shadows we may happen upon a stalker with feminine grace and a soft and sultry smile.
I look out of the window and I see her look at me again in the reflection. I smile again and she notices that I see her in the glass and again she looks down at her book.
I'm on the late train back to Tokyo from Osaka after conducting a little business there. It's been a long, tiring day and the night beckons me home to sleep. I feel aches and pains in my feet and my legs and hips and I contemplate the idea of having a massage. I imagine skilled and sensitive hands kneading my fatigued muscles and have them ease out the stress of the day and the relief I would have to feel it ebbing away.
How easy it is to become lost in reverie.
I sat for a while just staring out into the night sky through the window and the reflected scene of the train carriage upon it. For a moment I thought I saw someone sitting next to me in the glass reflection but after I blinked my eyes, she was gone. I looked beside me to check but seat next to me was empty. For a little while I tried in vain to recreate the trick of light that made me see someone there and then failing, I assumed it to be more of a trick of my tired eyes. I took my ipod from my purse and I closed my eyes for a moment and the music in my earphones let me drift and dance in dreamy delirium up above the clouds. Whilst I was flying free I thought I heard someone calling my name and I jumped in my seat with that strange feeling of falling. I think my spirit returned to my body with a bumpy hard landing. People were looking my way, had I screamed something? Oh please don't stab me with your accusing eyes, my emotions are in tatters and my only shield is defiance.
I arrived home to my empty apartment. I left my bags and shoes in the entrance and just collapsed on my couch. The quietness, the tidy space that was dark until I switched on the lights, the silent and detached feeling of solitude pervaded every cubic centimeter of my home. The smell of lavender hung on the air from the fresh flowers I'd bought two days ago. I was hungry but had no desire or motivation to cook. Had I someone to cook for then my thoughts would be completely different. Rina and baby would be sleeping now and with the restaurant closed, Hiro would be doing his accounts and stock orders. So I ate the pack of dried fruit that I'd bought at the station and that had somehow remained untouched in my purse. I poured myself a much needed large vodka with an equal measure of white rum, lemonade and a topping of blackcurrant concentrate. I sat again and only then I thought I'd have been better getting a couple of cold beers and place them within reaching distance to save me standing on my tired legs once more. Even the thought of running my hot bubble bath seemed to be of immense effort and I was already feeling hot, hot! I was only half way through my drink before I decided that the worst drink we can drink is the drink we drink when we are alone. I had two more of the same worst drinks in the world but ones that 'hit the spot' and then I undressed and laid my clothes on my stool and fell asleep naked on my bed, willing the heat and the aches and pains in my tired body to radiate away.

The next evening, Thursday to be precise, found me in the Mars. I enjoyed a bar snack and ruining my liver with vodka and orange, one of Hitomi's favorite drinks. I didn't need to mention that but the thought struck me as I wrote this and so I paused for a moment to wonder why I chose that drink.
Drinks to old flames is all I can think of and a toast to her intoxicating memory.
Mar asked how I was and I giggled. She cocked her head to one side inquisitively. I had actually thought about the shin kicking but I just told her that I had been on happy juice all day and she took that with a smile. She reached forward and patted my hands reassuringly as they nursed my drink.
Mar has the habit and always has since we frequented her bar of shouting out girls names who are available (for company) and does so because besides the regulars and the paired off sisters, there is a vibrant singles scene and she loves to bring singles together.
"Mar," I said attracting her attention away from the stock on the shelves, "Please don't call out my name in your singles game. I just want a quiet drink and not be alone. By alone I mean I want to hear the background activity and the harmony (actually discord in this sense but I am polite) of human voices."
She gave me a disapproving look and asked what kind of woman I thought she was?
I apologized.
She waved away my apology and mixed me another vodka and orange. She raised her small glass of white wine and together we toasted the future with a smile.
Ma moved down the bar to speak to one of the bar maids and I looked around the room. Thursday is not my usual day but there were still quite a few faces I knew and I nodded and waved and greeted them with smiles.
"This is Tomomi, she's pretty, she's intelligent, she is very sexy and she's all alone. Make her feel welcome ladies!" boomed the voice of Mar from behind me.
I turned and gave her such a look, almost as if she'd broken a promise but of course she hadn't and she was just being Mar. She smiled at me with the sticking your head forward gesture as we do as children when we pulled our tongue out at someone.
A girl suddenly appeared by my side and she introduced herself. I looked at her and back at Mar, who was still giving me that innocent and charming smile and back to this new sweet single. The last thing I want to do is get close to a girl from here. No offense to any of them but in a way I just believe it's a special little place and it is full of my sweet memories of Hitomi and I. I just don't want to taint them with the flavor of another girl.
She and I sat and talked for a while and I bought her a couple of drinks but I did explain that I just wanted human company and nothing more. I didn't want her to get her hopes higher than the waterline and for me to simply have her dash those hopes against the rocks. Even though we diluted the evening, we managed to agree that the ice rocked. I left the bar feeling quite hot and instead of heading for home, I walked up Yasukuni dori and bought a couple of items from 'family mart' and then looked for a sweet angel just around the corner.
I found her next to the amusements plaza and the game was on.
Thursday night really rocked!