After the show

After we’d thanked the guests of the last show, Hitomi, Amemiya and I went and sat and ate dinner in the staff eating area.

It was a small and quiet affair. Hitomi and I kept looking at one another and after watching us for some time he asked if there was anything wrong. I can’t imagine what he was thinking or what he thought he saw. I was just stealing glances and she was doing the same. It only seemed awkward if we glanced at the same time. Strangers in the night! Amemiya joined in thinking we were playing a game, only he did it in such an exaggerated way he had us both laughing pretty soon. It came to the point where I only had to look up at his face and I’d start giggling like I was a schoolgirl again.

My Stars!

After dinner I thanked Amemiya for such a great opportunity to work with him and he said I was a wonderful actress, which made me feel very good. I told him that I wasn’t really acting. I really did think he was a bad singer (as I’d had to say in my script) and I’d be donating his CD to the school for the deaf.*

He looked up at me strangely and I pointed to him and laughed.

He laughed too. He quickly realized that I was making a joke to get him to laugh for all the wonderful belly laughs he’d given everyone else today.

After Dinner Hitomi went up to her room and I told her I was going to see Dad. She didn’t want to come. I went up and got changed and then I ordered a taxi. I went to visit with dad who was staying at the Nikko Hotel. We’d actually passed his hotel on the way in.

When I’m with dad I tend not to drink beer from cans, I guess it’s not lady like. Instead, he ordered a nice bottle of ‘Grace Koshu’, which is a nice full bodied dry white and we had a selection of dried fruits to accompany it while we sat and talked in the relaxed and rather secluded lounge.

He asked how my day went and I told him it went better than I expected. He nodded and then he said something which brought a second lump to my throat. He said that despite everything he was very proud of me and he said that he really wished Mother could have seen me up there on the stage.

I had to sneeze again.

I reminded him that Mother had seen me do well in my previous roles.

He said he didn’t mean my acting ability, which he considered just average, he winked at me. Instead he meant how I had faced my fears and still acted accordingly. I said it has to be this way because he taught me such values when I was small.

He nodded and then told me that Mother had always said I was too sensitive.

I folded my arms and looked at him questioningly.

He shook his head and told me that he was getting old and before he leaves this world he wants to see all his children settled and I am the last one. Tokutaro, Kenjiro and Hiro are all settled with good positions and families around them and I alone seem lost.

I hung my head and asked if I’d shamed myself.

He shook his head in the negative and said that life is full of trials and I have come through some particularly hard ones. He was also sad that there is a great distance between us as a family.

I said that I did phone my older brothers at least once each month. He frowned at me.
I knew this was not what he meant.

We talked a while longer on other matters, ones I won’t say here but I acknowledge that I do have to find my focus again and stop drifting like boxes lost at sea.

It was late when I got back.

I tapped on Hitomi’s door to let her know I was back but I had no answer. So I went to my own little room and undressed and slipped into my robe I went to the small communal bathroom on our little corridor. Hitomi was sat in there doing her toe nails. She said that her hairdryer had broken and she asked if could she borrow mine. I gave her my room key and she went while I showered.

When I got back she was still in my room in front of my small dresser doing her hair. Then I dried my hair when she was finished and we talked about things we’d done since she moved out.  She told me about her new studio which she invited me to come see and I promised that I would.

She then asked if I’d like her to stay in my room for the night and I said that I’d like that very much.

We undressed and slipped into bed and I turned out the light.

It’s a funny thing and I think and I'm quite sure that it’s a common question at times like this. While we cuddled and got ourselves comfortable she asked if I’d slept with anyone since she moved out.

I explained who I’d been out with but that I hadn’t been intimate with anyone and she said the same. That said I think we both felt able to do what we did with clear consciences.

If at all possible it somehow seemed better than before and I certainly made sure she knew what she was missing.

We both slept soundly.

At breakfast she told me she was working for the next two weeks and then she was taking a holiday. When she got back she’d like it if we could meet up for a meal and talk.

I told her I was willing to do that. I told her some of the things that Dad and I had talked about.

She laughed at the sensitive Momo part.

I poked her ribs!

The train back home felt a lot better but it just seemed strange hugging her goodbye at the station.

It’s mad!

This emotion is not sentimental, noble or brave, it’s foolish and unfair.

Welcome to the real world!

*My joke regarding the deaf: It was a private joke shared between the three of us but now I've made it public here on the internet, I will apologies to anyone with hearing problems and I don't mean any disrespect to you. I'm sorry if anyone thinks it in bad taste.