Dear Diary

After hurriedly taking my notes in a meeting, I rushed back to the office to prepare a draft article. Normally at work I take a large shoulder bag in which I can carry all my essentials with extra room for everything else but because I was sitting taking notes by the side of the podium in full view of the whole assembly, I thought I'd take my small innocuous Ferre bag which went well with my outfit.
The problem is that when I got back to the office my notebook, the last thing I placed in my purse is suddenly and strangely at the bottom. So I turn it upside-down and shake it to empty the contents on my already messy desk, to find it and from it attempt to prepare a draft on my computer. Several hot drinks, phone calls, interruptions both relevant and irrelevant and a fire alarm test later, I have five possible layouts on file and about twelve print run proof tests over my desk. I put the no longer needed proofs into the shredder. Now I can make friends with nice people and bad people and animals and even invisible entities that pass into our world sometimes but it seems I can never relate to office machinery. You can hear it! The shredder usually hums with a "seesssss" lips pulled back smiling sound but this time he hummed with a suusss" lips pushed forward pouting sound and as I am a creature of curiosity I cautiously peeked into his bin having a care that my hands remain attached to my wrists. Between the fine paper ribbons of his work are the unwanted fine shredded strips of the proofs and also unfortunately the fine shredded strips of my driving licence! Shredders don't like laminated items but don't complain very often and merrily do their duty regardless of the anguish it caused me.
No office machines like me at all!
Even the coffee machine burns me or poisons me!
Meanies!
I had my replacement issued today and this one has the chip in it with all my personal information and perhaps gossip about me too! I wonder how far someone can be from me and read it! I was also given a number with it like the PIN of my bank cards. I have nightmares of George Orwell style horrors. I am no longer a name, I am a number!

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In a lazy little lounge next to "Life is a gamble" casino, she walks back from the bar and politely asks "What did you say to that guy?"
"What guy?" I ask innocently.
"The one who came over to you while I was ordering our drinks"
"Oh he asked me if he can know me better because he thought I am the prettiest girl he has ever seen in his whole life" I laughed, "I said sorry but I was out with a friend, you, and we needed to talk about business. Why do you ask?" I added looking into her eyes.
"Because he returned to his friends at the bar and told them you were a lesbian!"
I turned and looked at the group of men laughing and looked back to Ayu. "But he is right, I am!" I said smirking.
We just laughed as she poked my arm but I am reminded of a story about a very hungry fox.
It saw a cluster of juicy black grapes hanging from a trellised vine and desired them. The fox tries every trick it knew to reach them and devour them but it was all in vain, the fox could not reach and only made him self fatigued!
He turned and walked away disappointed and saw the crow had been watching him.
"The grapes are sour and not as ripe as I thought!" he excused himself to the Crow and slunk away.

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What more news?
Two different people have now told me I have some internet cyber-stalker.
The definition of such according to wikipedia is:-

Cyberstalking is the use of the internet or other electronic means to stalk someone.
It has been defined as the use of information and communications technology, particularly the Internet, by an individual or group of individuals, to harass another individual, group of individuals, or organization. The behavior includes false accusations, monitoring, the transmission of threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sexual purposes, and gathering information for harassment purposes. The harassment must be such that a reasonable person, in possession of the same information, would regard it as sufficient to cause another reasonable person distress.

I replied to the fears and concerns of my dear friend Tara that imitation is often meant as a compliment and sometimes thought of as sincere flattery, but stalking in any of the guises mentioned by wiki above are actually frightening. I have always willingly opened as much of myself as I am prepared to do online, I do not share all my secrets. I believe that the people who know me will not be fooled by someone pretending to be me. So I thank my sister April and dear young Tara who both have eyes to see and also have the courage to warn me of possible deceit from behind by those who pretend to be my friend for the sole purpose of gaining information about me.
I'm not paranoid today although I freely admit that I have been in the past.
So my message to "Juzz" or "Miss Lee" or whatever his/her name is:

Are you so afraid that if you show me your true self I would not like you?
Am I so special that you would like to be me?
Learn my dreams to become the man of them?
I'm like anyone else, I also have pains and troubles and worries. Please do not add stalking to my list of worries and your list of misdeeds. Obsessions create 'idealised' personalities and if you bestow upon me perfection, then I could never live up to your expectations.
Please do not attempt to imitate me any longer. Clothes may disguise a fool but your words will give you away.
Thank you.

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In other news I have a dear friend who has the best of intentions but his own untruths from the past plague his present and cast doubt upon his future.
I wish I could tell him that forgiveness has been offered and that with love it comes easily.
Painfully though we often find it hardest to forgive ourselves when we realise the pain and seeds of doubt we offer to our loved ones.
I wish both of them good luck because I should really stand outside.
With love and understanding and truth, I feel confident that they will find themselves stronger than before. We can all, given chance, learn from mistakes and our most dreadful moments.