Parting is such sweet sorrow

Romance novels lead us to the conclusion that after the introductions, the two people who realize they are in love each other have to face the story-line hurdles and they must conquer these to lead to a land of 'happy ever after'. The movies tell us that the hero always get the girl, but it's not like that in real life, is it?
The world we live in is supposedly one of enlightenment and tolerance and for all the altruistic remarks we say aloud, deep down inside there lays dark brooding pools of ignorance, of intolerance, of incorrect preconceptions and unreasonable hatred of things we sometimes do not understand or we simply don't want to! How easily angry we can become at loved ones for simply not agreeing with us when a difference of points of view and perspective should really help us all to understand a 'bigger picture' but unfortunately the emotional friction involved often leads to questions of allegiance and sides.
It is said that when an argument arises the wise will simply quench it with silence and perhaps this is the best strategy when arguing with fools but when it's with one you love then spiteful words may hurt our feelings but silence can break our hearts.

It seems poignant at this time to think of this now because firstly, my sister loses a friend because she decided to remain neutral and not agree with her friend's hatred. In refusing to take a side then he chose it for her with an ultimatum that "if you are not with me you must be against me." Perhaps such immature obsessions can lead us to incorrect logical conclusions and a very distorted view of the important things in life, but in my opinion a friend that would offer you such a choice is no real friend at all and they would certainly have no regard for the feelings of anyone other than themselves.

Secondly after a long and troubled marriage my friend Yoshi claimed that she is free. I had often seen her with sad eyes and because I am a friend I felt that I could ask if all was well and not ask it as a casual question. She would smile and say it was, but I knew something was not well in her mind. After agreeing to meet for coffee with us she finally admitted that she was tired of an abusive husband and was now rid of him but still missed him. It was a big surprise to Hitomi and I since we thought we knew him and he had never seemed like an aggressive man at all. It is perhaps the part of a person that you don't see. The private side of a person behind closed doors and blinds that could shock us or surprise us with astounding exposes. But a greater surprise was to come.

Perhaps it was her loneliness or just her beautiful heart made me invite her for tea at my home one afternoon. Friends always support friends and say things that offer reassurances and to show allegiance, very much like the choosing of sides for my sisters ex-friend? But she and I were talking over tea and we chatted quite naturally but when I gave her some clothes for her son who is almost two years of age as a small gift it seemed to be a trigger and the tears simply fell from her eyes. I stood and held her in my arms as she told me the real truth of her husband. The confession that he had never hit her at all but had simply desired another woman and left her and her son to be with her. It had made her feel so worthless and increased the burden of parenting responsibilities
It was at this moment that Hitomi walked in and saw the two of us in an embrace.
What was on my face, guilt? Sympathy and tears for my friend?
She turned and walked out again.

What can I tell you about girls like me to help you understand?
In a world where the expected normality of boy loves girl you can see and may have witnessed or experienced the emotional intensity of losing a loved one to another. But in a world where girl loves girl the feelings are so much greater and intensified. The love is greater and unfortunately so is the jealousy and sense of loss. Perhaps you can find reasons yourself why this is so because not everyone would agree with mine.

I had to run out and hold her and look into her eyes and ask her not to leave me and to listen to me as I offered my explanation in its innocence. Perhaps the foolishness or guilt is mine. There are reasons I love this girl and one of them is because she listens to me, she understands me and of course she loves me implicitly. I am lucky to have someone so understanding and accepting of who I am.

I think it's important to be yourself always and to stand by what you think is the right way and remain true to your own beliefs. Have the courage of your own convictions. Always be honest with the one you love, even if the honesty will show a bad side of our selves because having a relationship that's built on secrets and lies is doomed to fail. Yoshi has lost something special and perhaps through no fault of her own, but she has become closer to us and putting a smile on her face puts smiles on our faces too.

Hitomi leaves on Sunday and her job once more take her away from me. The hurdles as I mentioned are not just at the start before the happy ever after. Life is full of trials and our progress through life can be measured in how we deal with each obstacle.
There is no happy ever after because it's not meant to be a continual thing. Happiness happens on many levels. The contentment of doing well, of striving to be a better person, and the happiness of finding love all come in moments that we can savour. But we all know that we cannot appreciate true happiness without its contrast of tasting pain and heartbreak.

Learn from the tears, laugh with the joy and always remain true to yourself.


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