... And then she called

The candles had burned late into my evenings this last week and last night was no different and so I was lazy this Sunday morning. After convincing myself that hibernation was not a good idea, I slowly crawled from my nice warm sleep and I showered and threw on my old clothes and took my washing to the laundry room. Rina's laundry was hanging to dry already as I placed mine in the machines. This told me how late I was because we often washed laundry at the same time. I had not done half of the jobs I had promised myself that I would before Ayu called. We were planning to go out for lunch but instead we made it together in the kitchen which nicely allowed me time to do a few little tasks while we exchanged news. We just made hampen fish cake with rice, miso, vegetable n apple. I told her about the job offer I'd had and when I told her who had called me to offer it she pretended to faint. That could have been funny except that it was my turn to faint when she told me her news of meeting Terutaka, my ex boyfriend. I thought he'd disappeared altogether. He's doing ok it seems and looks well and he kindly asked about me and gave Ayu his new cell number and he said she could give it to me.
I had an awful feeling inside as I tap his number into my cell contacts, was I doing the right thing? I reminded her of what Yuko at Tokyo FM had told me last December and that he was with Menoko now. She hugged me and reminded me that I was with Hitomi now and it's not about that and she also reminded me that it's not about the bad things that had happened to both him and to me and to us, but he was my friend ever since high school and why throw friendship away when neither had meant to hurt the other.
I know she's right and you know she's right and even some guy in Barcelona knows she's right but I had fire alarm bells ringing in my head and my heart actually felt like it was packing for a vacation and hurriedly trying to leaving my breast. I Know inside that I still love him and surprisingly I also feel aggressive towards him.
No! It's not surprising. When I think of how it seemed he betrayed me.

But he didn't really, not at first. If ever? Menoko the witch tried to lure him away with the ultimate lie and shockingly her ultimate lie turned out to be true. Which was a shock for me thinking I was like some detective solving another heartless crime of passion. I actually went to see her and tried to reason things out with her and tried another old method myself of having her see reason.
I broke my heart over that man and after a little political activity by my Father, that I'm not supposed to know about, Terutaka left her and came back to me.
No! He didn't just desert her which she deserves, he found out her wickedness.

Did I take him back? You're damn right I took him back, because I loved him with all my heart and the weeks he'd been away I was lost. I was a brief summer rain, an Antarctic sun, I was a ghostly face lost on a crowed street.
I tried to fill that emptiness with anything that I could find but it all meant nothing without him there and I was inconsolable. After he returned to me I was very happy. It is perhaps now that I look back to that time and I can now see those pressures that were on both of us and at that time I had failed to see them, ripping us apart. He suffered most and went through a very stressful time getting worse and worse each passing day and he even left the city in an attempt to find himself no matter how supportive I and his friends were. He didn't tell me or his parents where he'd gone and we all worried about him. Finally three weeks later he showed his unshaven face in the Eatery downstairs. My brother called me down. I didn't care where he'd been or what he'd done, I just wanted to show him that he was welcomed home and loved. Life after that was beautiful for six fantastic months. I was the happiest girl in the universe until the seventh month arrived, that was the month of hell and it is in those, the darkest days of my life that we were lost.

A whole future just crumbled like a melting ice shelf into the sea and we all knew it was irreparable. But perhaps it wasn't? We just let our emotions of the time convince us of it.
We fooled ourselves that we had to find our own ways again and it seems like a tragedy that our paths parted with the greatest of loss.... the greatest of errors and the greatest misunderstandings ever conceived by humankind seemed to be ours. Our greatest pretences are built up not to hide the evil and the ugliness within us, but just to hide our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there. So many hidden nothings also hide the things we should have seen.

It is my sincerest hope he's happy now, I know that I am. I may call him..... one day.

I needed some air!
Good excuse to show Ayu my new car as we drove up to Yoyogi to view the blossoms. She has excellent taste because she loves it too! I mean my car, not the park, but we love the park too! I need to give my car a name. I'll think about it. I'll do an online poll in the side-links!

Later back home I waited for Hitomi to phone me. The Computer was on and I occasionally looked at the phone. It didn't ring. I waited some more... and it still didn't ring.
I stared at it contemptuously. But it ignored me.
Then while I was surfing it rang while I wasn't looking at it. I jumped.
But it wasn't her.
Naughty telephone misleading my hopes.
It rang four more times and each time it still wasn't her.
My heart reaches out for the mountain top with each ring, only for it to fall from high when was not her voice.
23:11 and several seconds it rang once more and I was greeted with the greatest sound of all. My name across her lips. I just ran and jumped on the bed while we chatted for seemingly only ten minutes even if the clock lies and said 00:49 when when we finally and reluctantly end the call. She has to be awake early too!
She has left Matsue and is now in Hagi, a town with roots stretching deep into the past centuries.
That's approximately 770km but the good news is that on 22nd and 23rd of April she will be free and in Himeji which is only 480 km away. I will plan to have those days off and drive down so we can spend some time together.
Ten weeks away is just too long
It's important to arrange plans and make time to be together... I think you would too!