Open Book (a year in review)

Perhaps now as the year draws to a close, we can take a moment to look back at this last year.
What progress have we made on the path of life? We have had a whole year to accomplish whatever we promised ourselves last New Year. Perhaps we can console ourselves with the knowledge that not every ambition is there to be achieved but at least it is something to aim for. However we should not hide behind excuses no matter how reasonable they sound nor how hard we try to justify the reasons. We must take responsibility for everything that we do...
... And the things we choose not to do!

March was the month Japan failed to meet its carbon emissions reduction target but I said goodbye to my big Volvo and replaced it with a smaller, more economical and ecologically friendlier Mazda, as I start to become more Earth aware and try to become 'greener' in my outlook. I have also confronted more of my own inner demons and found more inner-peace as I lay them down dead upon my emotional battlefields. I have cast off more chains that were binding me to the past and even when my ex-boyfriend tries tempting me into tasting again what was, I can now feel less indebted to him for those times both good and bad and be more assertive as I make my stand. I say that where I am and what I am today is not to be measured and compared against what was yesterday but simply view this as 'me in the now' and this years version of me as I walk my own path in life and still without comparison, I am much happier now within myself and I firmly believe that happiness is one of life's goals.

The bonds of friendship and love have been strengthened now that I feel that I have become closer not only to my love, Hitomi but also to my Father, who I felt has been quite distant from me in more ways than just the physical distance of unkind kilometers. I had also felt a remoteness in the warmth and love of family spirit. He has made time for me and let me know openly that I am not forgotten and I am not held off at a polite or formal distance. In his way he also lets me know that he accepts who I am and what I am and that means so very much to me. I have always felt love from my Father but in this last year it has become much warmer. I do wish that Hitomi's Father could also find a little tolerance and understanding. What need for friction do the ties of families need?

This year I also met up with two ex lovers. In September I finally met with Tety, who I have started to see as a 'worm', after he'd been trying for quite some time to contact me. Not only was he my ex boyfriend but he was also my mentor and ex business partner and his reason for meeting me was a potential new venture of his if not also a general hint at something else. As I have just said, I listened politely but this time I had the courage to be assertive in front of him. I said 'no' and courteously wished him luck. In June I met up with Terutaka, my last man and we enjoyed a dinner and conversation together. My enthusiasm for the event made me forget my priorities and I learned another lesson in life about not only my own feelings and points of view but also the feelings of those who matter most to me. I also learned that the place for the past is back there in the past. I believe that I have strengthed the bonds of friendship with many of my closest friends and yet others seem to drift away from me. I must endeavor to repair those where I can. Sadly beyond my or anyone else's ability to repair, is the tragic loss of two wonderful people from my life, my Mothers good friend, Hashimoto Sama and Uncle Skip. Both were wonderful people who have with kind hearts and wise words, helped me along my own path of life when I have stumbled.

By the end of June a few health scares had slightly worried us and a short and contemplative couple of weeks in hospital soon corrected that little worry. Of course being within easy reach of the crown of the 'drama queen' I could have made quite an epic of the whole affair and once more feel the injustice of fate and the cards she deals me and rant and rave. But this time I felt much more of a tranquil acceptance and I had full confidence in the medical team assigned to correct the minor fault in those long deserted corridors of my head. Everything went smoothly even if I had to wait for the second attempt and so it all ends with smiles.

Hitomi and I enjoyed two small breaks during the summer to holiday together and leave behind our usual routines and to just get away from it all and relax and let down our hair and have fun and especially enjoy each other in warm intimate surrounds. These are the times that you can enjoy love to its fullest and watch it grow. Unfortunately we had to postpone our planned two week vacation in Hitomi's favorite place, Okinawa, because she was successful for a part in a small project and for the second time this year, she was away from home for an extended period of time. In pursuing a small project of my own, I managed a sojourn in Hokkaido and stayed with Father and met up with the girls and my long missed Obachan. A renewed family tie, a time to enjoy my distant family life and to get the bulk of my personal project completed. I came home feeling much better.


As with the normal mix of life I've cried a little and laughed a lot. I have felt good and bad, and I have tried to do the best that I can and with any mistakes I've made, then I really hope I have learned from them. I have one more wrinkle under each of my eyes and a feeling of change in my taste and styles and my desires and needs.

It is my past that has made me who I am today and this has taught me well to face my future with hope and strength and to enjoy family and friends because they really are our greatest treasures in life.


Have a happy and loving New Year everyone.