November rain

It has rained almost constantly for the last three days. I sit at my desk drinking hot chocolate and watch the sea of umbrellas rushing around below. The rain throws itself at my window and I look out at it unimpressed. A sheet of glass protects me from the deluge out there and the comfort and another sip of chocolate in here, well three sheets actually! I remember once I used to love to dance barefoot in the grass in the rain. For some strange reason I found it quite sensual but please no amateur Freudian analytical comments on that remark please. I also found it refreshing, like how I imaged flowers would enjoy the drink and respite from a sometimes unforgiving sun. There was also a time when the rain hid my tears. No one would notice the two extra rivulets of tears as the rain cascaded over my and everyone else's faces. A dark time indeed and perhaps as they say that into everyone's life a little rain must fall. I came away from that as a stronger person and we are mainly what our life experience makes us.

As I child I might run and catch raindrops in my mouth. Oh my stars! The things we used to do. But it seems that in different stages of my life I've associated different things to the rain. It had fun, sadness and sensuality and perhaps a few others too. Now I just look out at it and look at it disapprovingly. Ha ha, to disapprove of the rain is a little pointless, I may as well disapprove of the sea or the sky. It doesn't need my approval to be or to exist. Better I just reach for my coat.



I bought a new coat a few days ago, red with the Scots tartan design and wore it for the first time when I went out for lunch with Yoshi. She and her man have really got it together again and she seems a lot happier in herself. It's really nice to see her and to see that love once more radiate from within her soul. She was the sad girl and then became the empty girl with a brave face and then grew to be the independent girl and the strong girl. Now she's complete once more with her man again. That isn't necessarily the best formula but it is forgiveness and a positive move forward and both seem happier and so does little one. She's a family girl once more and that has to be a good thing.

I understand that not everyone likes to add comments to my posts even though anonymity is a choice. Some feel that they have nothing valid to say or have no thoughts or nothing they'd like to say or share. But one of two have taken to direct e-mailing me from my profile. I have not answered all of them yet but I hope to in the near future, please have patience.
But one mail from "R" in Canada says

Jazz I really loved your post on Cholesterol. I learned quite a bit and it was good to see 2 sides of the point in the comments. I don't agree with everything you said but I'm not good at arguing out my reasons. When I've tried they always break down into heated insults.

Let's take a look at the definition of 'Argument.'

argument noun 1 a quarrel or unfriendly discussion. 2 a reason for or against an idea, etc. 3 the use of reason in making decisions. 4 a summary of the theme or subject of a book, etc. for argument's sake or for the sake of argument said in order to dismiss less important details so that the main issue or issues can be dealt with • For the sake of argument, let's say I got the time of the meeting wrong.

Most people on hearing there was an argument will assume '(1) the unfriendly discussion', because this is the most common version of it. But for my Cholesterol post, it started merely as a rant because I was a little infuriated by the misleading deception that the drugs companies who seem to propagate and consolidate this myth for the sole reason of profit. So much for an enlightened world where information is important. So the counter propositions in the comments were welcome disagreements and the argument became as (2) "a reason for or against an idea" which led me into finding more facts to support my side of the argument. I found it informative as much as it was exhilarating in competing with ideas. Although in that particular instance I don't feel anyone was a winner, it was just a chance for two opposite sides to show their cause and let readers make up their own minds.

Jazz's tips on arguments:
1: Keep your voice at a normal talking level: If you raise the volume of your voice, your opponent tries to match you. If they raise theirs you are tempted to do the same. Don't fall for that! The Raising of voices just leads to emotional input rather than cold logical thoughts and an orderly presentation of opinion.
2. Never tell your opponent directly that he or she is wrong because that just annoys the hell out of them. Instead let your facts and thoughts show them they are (if they are wrong!). Being a little humble here isn't a bad thing.
3. Don't name call. That's really a sign that you feel you can't compete. If you need to time to gather facts and figures just admit it. Be upfront and say that you do. It is not a weakness. You are just respecting them by working to present a reasonable case. As soon as you begin to criticize your opponent, or they to you, it becomes obvious that one has run out of ways to defend their view.

There are also two opposite tactics I play with.
A. Getting them on your side with statements that you know they agree with. As soon as they agree with one then you momentarily become a comrade rather than an opponent. This often leads to better discussions rather than dissolve into the heated exchanges and the opposite of that one is when your opponent may feel a little on the losing side they may try to divert to another topic. Stick with it!

B. Ask! When your opponent states a "fact", probe deeper into the fact with questions that are designed to expose its flaws, like "tell me more" and "can you give me an example?" Or "Another way of looking at this is …, does this seem reasonable?"
The opposite of ask is silence. After you state you case, let your opponent do all the talking, especially if he lacking in facts. They will fumble and rant and this often gives you a variety of ammunition with which to counter him. This won't usually get him conceding defeat, but he may walk away leaving one winner.
Many arguments have been won by not arguing at all!

Lastly and most importantly is you don't win them all. You should always be graceful in defeat. Nothing is worse than a person who argues simply for the sake of it and absolutely will not give in, no matter how obvious their loss.

Thanks for your mail "R". It inspired some of this post.
Any argument?