Looking up

The change from night to day is really only hours away but the changes I feel are only seconds apart.

The change from my regular and daily medications to none at have all had their toll on me. I have mood swings that oscillate like a seismograph recording a major earthquake. I also feel the constant ache in my muscles and the dull pains in my joints and I carry the dark and heavy eyes of fatigue.
Last evening and this morning I spent most of my time in or on my bed staring at the ceiling because the TV held no interest for me and I didn't want the music of my player to add timpani to the orchestral maneuvers already resonating in my head.
The human eye is very good at seeing patterns in the subtle shades and textures of the things we surround ourselves with and I have never seen so many paranoid eyes looking back at me as I did lying there alone.

Rina kindly made my meals and even my dear brother took time from work downstairs to sit with me and I feel cared for but all I wanted was to be left alone and so I gave my excuses. Yoshi and Fuyuko also called in the early evening. How do you tell those you love that you just need an hour or two or a day or two in silence? It's quite impolite really. In the end I just got up and sat with them.
They called because they care and you have to admire their reason and in mind I can so easily place myself in their position and I know I'd do the same thing if they were not their usual self. Naturally I always assume that I can detect the subtle body gestures or inflictions when they want to be alone and I would say bye bye.

I spent some time online and chatted to some friends and then had my evening meal next door with Rina and Hiro. Embarrassingly I fell asleep in the chair there. Hiro woke me and I came home to sleep. I woke at midnight when Hitomi phoned and I wasn't happy she phoned so late and I could hear she was at some party. Giving her an excuse to end the call seemed a lot easier. I went online again because I can't sleep now and saw some old friends and chatted to them. I immediately felt much better. I even saw my dear Spanish stalker and chatted with him/her too.

As a gesture of forgiveness I unblocked his/her IP.
If only my emotions would reign in a little I could feel quite magnanimous about my actions and reward myself with a smile.
It's a 'Topsy-turvy world' as my dear sister April used to say.

Dad has asked... Well actually he told me to spend a few days with him and so on Saturday morning I will go on the train and arrive there in the evening.

Why do I feel like I'm in the wrong?
We can just add another crisis to add to the growing list of crises that invade my present sanctity.

I have some chocolate somewhere....