What dreams may come

There is no label on my head to describe its contents in detail. I have read works written by great minds and I have contemplated such words and I have wondered how I can fit those words into how I think or perhaps if I should I could change my thinking to fit those words as I seek some alignment. What is reality I ask my self? In my most sober of moments and also from quite distorted reality perspectives, I have wondered about this many times. I recall reading about Rene Descartes and his Demon and the way he would try to deceive mankind into not seeing what was and seeing what wasn't and I have often wondered about that because it seemed to hold true. If I am deceived then all of my thoughts and all that I hold to be true are cast into doubt! What if the way we all saw reality was wrong? He started out in his 'meditations' with an analogy that the thoughts in our head could be considered as a box of apples and if one single apple is bad, then that rot could contaminate all the rest of the apples in the box. He was of course searching for truth and the validity of each and every thought that he considered to be his own truth. His answer this little quandary was to tip out all of the apples and place them back into the box one by one, discarding the rotten ones. This meant that he would examine each one of his own core beliefs and only when no doubt remained about it being true would he hold on to it and forget those which were deemed doubtful.
This all seems wonderful to me until he continues deeper into his 'meditations' and proves his God to himself with circular arguments and this was the time that I promptly dropped his words into my bin. This was not out of any disrespect to his God but merely the way he tried to prove his belief, it was the logic of his argument which for me was at fault.

I feel that my thoughts or my apples are not to be turned out onto the floor in this manner. I feel that my thoughts are me and the experiences and teaching throughout my life not only have made me who I was and who I am but also are the direct cause of how and what I think.
I do however allow my apples to be taken from my box and I may polish them occasionally to make them look succulent and attractive. By this I mean that I may at times modify my beliefs when I am exposed to new information which appears to make more sense to me or adds to what I already know. I think most of us do this but how can I be sure without asking you?

From today I can look back to a time where I seemed lost in the currents of the world and it seemed as if I was a pinball bouncing though the days where the angle of incidence was not always translated into the angle of reflection but since I renewed my life in my Buddhist philosophies I have been much happier inside and I generally have peace of heart.
How many wars have been waged in the name of Buddhism? None!
Of course I don't always get it right and human fears often assail me and I do go out and intoxicate myself but in adhering in many of its base principles I do find much more of an inner peace.
There is no need for us to preach, no need for us to go out and seek converts and no need for us to look down on other ways of life philosophies or religions. We will find happiness within this way even in the modern world because the answers are there. They are not taught in a way that you must blindly accept them as truth. Instead they are taught that you may and you should test out each truth for yourself. Our problems are within and not outside.

I close my eyes and sleep and consciousness disappears layer by layer.
I dream and strangely enough I rarely dream about my present and one true love. Yet I often dream of my previous partner and I don't dream of the people I work with but I often dream of people I have worked with in the past. I wonder what this means? These people are no longer in my present life and I wonder if they have somehow become symbolic representations of the way I think of something in my unconscious mind today...

My dream last night
I was in a room of a house that I had once liked and had considered buying with my ex partner. He was there with me and we sat together across a small bamboo table drinking tea. He smiled his very cute smile at me but stood suddenly shaking his head declaring that this was all so very wrong. He slid open the door and left walking around the house and across the street into the apartments above the stores there. (These are actually across the street from me in real life and no where near that house)
There were some Polaroid photographs on the table near the window where I watched him enter those apartments. These images moved as if they were movies captured on a still photo. They were of me living in that apartment block (I have never lived there or been inside it). Suddenly he appeared in the moving video photo and he opened one door and of course she was there. Monoko, the queen of deceit!
Suddenly he came back into the room where I stood and I asked if he was happy now.
He broke down crying and came into my arms saying he never wanted to lose me. I told him he never will.
FADE
Suddenly I was in the office of my last job and one of the girls I worked with was telling me that the editor has told her to collect all the past articles on charity street markets but she was inundated with so much work. My desk appeared empty and so I said that I'd be glad to do it for her. Then I was overwhelmed with feelings of dread and I felt full of doubt because I'd forgotten my password on my old computer and I didn't know how to call up the archives. She came to me and said I'd better go to the file room and put 1000yen in my hand but the portrait on the note was not of Soseki Natsume, but of my own father and I knew that if I tried to spend this I would be arrested for passing known counterfeit currency and yet unreasonably I feared that I would offend my father if I did not.

I awoke feeling lost and deceived.
Dreams are strange things and can sometimes call up emotions that have no right to exist at all!

NOTE: I seem to have started getting Spam! Someone was posting the phrase "I love what you wrote and I love how you think" on a couple of posts, both of which I've deleted and his name of 'sexy lingerie nights' linking to an e-commerce site. I have banned his IP from my site.