A moral standing - sitting down

She thought that I didn't know. How many had there been, two, three, more? I knew of one only and that one was all I needed to feel betrayed and to feel hurt and to feel a strong desire grow within me of wanting to seriously hurt them both. Vengeance dripped from my mouth like blood from a feasting vampire. I went away and played out vicious scenarios in my head while I drank my fill of fire water, not that I ever needed any excuse for that. My revenge actually consisted of putting her toothbrush in a place no toothbrush should ever go when I used her bathroom and smearing the inside of her underwear with a cosmetic product which I knew to cause her an allergic reaction on contact with her skin. She was nothing really! We were involved in a casual relationship but because I was faithful to her I had expected the same back and had become extremely jealous when I found otherwise. We drifted apart as casual relationships do and at this point in time I don't really have a good reason to have committed such acts against her. The heat of the moment we can say.
Oh Jazz you can be quite a bitch!
I think perhaps we all can at least we all have the potential. Which of you my readers are so pure?
What I was then is not necessarily what I am now. More years, more exposure to life and experience would have me do different things to the same situations. Who I was then was someone I don't look down on, because I do understand her, I just feel she did not have the wider horizons that I have today. She was pretty incensed though and I don't blame her. (Laughs)

I think I'm a nice person, don't you?
I also think that you may consider yourself to be quite decent too!
As for me, I'm pretty, I'm intelligent, I'm witty, I'm charming, I'm cute, I'm generous, I'm altruistic, I'm loving, I'm kind... oh and I'm modest too!
What! You thought I was nice until you just read what I just said and did? (Laughs again)
Seriously I do think that I'm a generally nice person even though there are some in the world who would tell you otherwise and credit most of the evils in the world as being of my doing.

There was one guy, who suffering from a mild case of rejection to his advances towards me, was calling me every foul name he could think of and looked in danger of bursting several major blood vessels in his face. I had politely, and you all know that I'm polite, refused to have a drink with him and to share his company for the evening. He decided that I was a typical example of why he was unmarried at thirty five and had problems finding girlfriends. In a micro second I had thought of fifty possibly alternative reasons. Seeing the anger in his face I waved my hand at him in a dismissive tone and turned to leave. As I waved my hand he tripped over something and spilled his drink all down his shirt and trousers. I succeeded in stifling my desire to laugh and he looked down at himself and then at my hand and then he accused me of witchcraft! This ill fortune visiting him was all my doing!
I can't believe it! It's only in Islamic countries and primitive societies where charges of witchcraft can still stand as lawful complaints.
I guess he's right though, his type always believe they are right and in thinking about his point of view, had I agreed in the first place to his request he would not have been angry, not have spilled the drink and he would have felt much better about his very well hidden charms and charisma.

Jazz the virtuous! (No laugh this time - just a smirk)
I think of myself as someone who lives by her own code of ethics, someone with moral principles and yet as we all know, there is no hard and steadfast ruling of ethics. We, as part of a majority can agree to rights and wrongs and call these our agreed ethics and yet there are many outsiders who will not live by them. Some will disagree in a small part and some may disagree across many points. The more points upon which they disagree will make them more and more alien, with all the implications of that, to us.

Since Hitomi and I have been together most Saturday evenings would see us together at the 'Mars', which is a ladies only bar, laughing, chatting, having fun and consuming copious amounts of alcoholic beverages with strange and exotic sounding names after a few beers. Before Hitomi came into my life, I used to frequent the Lex and still drop by sometimes. This is where I was this Saturday. It was nice to see and talk with old friends once again. I also saw Mr Smooth.
Who is Mr Smooth?
A large car stops and the driver gets out and opens the rear door. Out steps Mr Smooth in what appears to be a Caraceni suit. He dusts a little something from his sleeve and adjusts his neck-tie. From his inside pocket he takes and slips on his Jimmy Choo sun-glasses and checks his Rolex that it is at least fifteen minutes after sun-set and strolls in like he owns the place.
He looks at the new girls and looks for instant gratification.
Why the new girls? Because the regulars know him well and steer clear of his false charms and the complete iconic charade of the playboy image. The proverbial sheep in wolves clothing and yeah I know I have that in reverse but it suits my description!
I think we all know what the young inexperienced girl might see in all that as he uses he well practiced lines of charm on her. Is this human nature I ask myself?
I could have stayed home and watched some animals on the Discovery Channel dancing out the rites of courtship or I can watch Mr Smooth and the hapless chicks he preys on in his courtship rituals. Oh how easy some are led to the slaughter. To show that I'm not totally gender biased on this. The 'Lex' also boasts of... no! I can't say her name but if you've ever visited then I'm sure you know her. She is about forty or forty five and still has the looks that movie stars pay fortunes to have crafted and sculptured onto their bodies. She prefers the debonair Gentlemen with professional attitudes and large cars. Perhaps they are not sure why she sleeps with them but I'm sure they are grateful nonetheless.

I'm losing my mind and forgetting what I'm saying ...
I sincerely hope that this won't get worse!!!
Human nature! We humans with over-sized brains can make choices and so unlike lesser creatures and I use that term reluctantly and mean it only in the context of this rubbish I currently write, are not forced into instinctive and fixed templates of life. Therefore how can we accurately predict such nature if we could choose to do something outside of that attempt at predicting our nature.
I started out by describing a bad thing I did and yet I still claim to be generally good.
Are you good? I'll bet if you said yes you have done bad things too!
Sometimes we do a bad thing and yet we can find it quite easy to justify what we did, at least to ourselves.

We all have values and many of them may be the same and yet some are beyond compare. We cannot judge them with fixed forms of measurement. One freedom fighter may be considered by some as a terrorist and one dissident in the eyes of many may be considered the social rebel to others. I have tried at times to look for the good in people but sadly I have found that from the Prince to the pauper we all have Machiavellian shadows. (Pats self on shoulder at pun on the Machiavellian Prince)

Niccolo Machiavelli wrote a book called "The Prince" and in it he advises Princes of principalities on how they should rule. Imagine an Iron Fist ruling, imagine tyrants and dirty hands politics and you may have an idea of what he wrote. Imagine Mr Bush smiling at the TV and saying that the USA does not condone torture and then behind the scenes him getting his lawyers to define the terms of torture precisely so that certain interrogation techniques can be allowed in Guantanamo Bay - for the good of their national security you understand!

Machiavelli says that people are generally bad, in that we lie and we cheat, we are greedy and we shun danger. We break promises, oaths, pacts and agreements as and when it suits us. If then a Prince has a choice to be loved or feared, it is better to be feared because being loved by people with such attributes of breaking loyalties does not offer any sense of long term security. I'm sure we can all call up historical figures who have ruled by fear.
This Prince, and I use this term lightly too because this description can fit most politicians and leaders, should be concerned with appearances because we shallow people react to the superficial characteristics of his display and we rarely see deeper to what true darkness may lie underneath.
These leaders do whatever they need to do for the security of the state and for what they believe is for the good of the whole and quite often, they smile lovingly at the people and say nice things and look for the next great photo opportunity holding the baby and later in private are signing the death warrants of people considered dangerous threats. This is not paranoia on my part, this is the actual world we live in no matter how much we would like to dress it up with cute bunnies and paper roses.
On display are my good values and yet in the cold dark depths of my soul are other things....
If you consider yourself a human and I think most of my readers are then no matter how good you imagine yourself to be, both you and I are capable of so much bad or evil or amoral behavior. We're human and we have the choice.

This all becomes to dark for me.
I just hope they don't find my ex lover that I left at the bottom of Lake Shiromaru.
On Sunday after contributing to my colleagues drafts and e-mailing these additions, I have begun to realize that the chair at work with my name on it is written in washable dye. Already it fades! Afterwards I went swimming with Yoshi and Fuyoko. I knew this girl could get me wet! We all had a great time thanks!
A lot of changes are coming and I wonder that as each one passes into being will I lose sight of all this that I leave behind? Is this the final re-invention and the last model?
It is a proper that the old moves out to be replaced by the new but in the world of man this is not always the case. Unfortunately some choices are not ours to make - we just try to adapt.

Oh I'm tired!
I'm not saying what's right and what's wrong. I'm simply looking out of the window and in seeing a part of my own reflection I say what I see. I don't mind if you think I'm wrong. The human capacity for self deception is a thing that can only be marveled at - from both my eyes and yours!